sosa-parks:

I wouldn’t date a tall female bruh we gon get in a argument and she gon put my phone on the top of the fridge

(via beautiful0chaos)

  • waitress: i'm sorry we're all out of mozzarella sticks
  • waitress: sir please stop cyring

3rd grade

  • friend: *whispering* if you're stupid say "what"
  • me: what
  • friend: OH MAN
  • OH
  • OH DEAR FUCKING CHRIST
  • I GOT YOU SO GOOD, THAT WAS AWESOME
  • SWEET, SWEET DICKS IN MY MOUTH. I HAVE NEVER LAUGHED THIS HARD. EVER.
  • JESUS. JESUS HELP ME.